I got a little tired of scouring various web sites for pictures of BIAL
so decided to drive down to see the Real McCoy. The letter that I am
planning to send to Mr. Brunner was triggered by this visit. WARNING:
This is long and mindless.
Dear Mr. Brunner,
As a Bengaluru niwasi (I know you are Swiss but you might as well start
learning about the local culture since your lack of understanding of it
is the root cause of all that I am writing to you about), I am troubled
by what I see as a blatant attempt at social engineering and behavior
modification that you and BIAL are engaged in our fair city. I see a
conspiracy afoot that you clearly are a part of (who knows, may be the
CIA is in it too) to put is in a straightjacket, limit our ability to
think; in short, turn us into robots like most of you westerners. You
have made every attempt to diminish our ability to deal with chaos
(after all it is this very quality that made us world-class thinkers as
one of our favorite sons Rajat Gupta is known to have said) and thus
prevent our march towards world domination.
Let me explain. I visited BIAL this morning and on this trip I made a
mental note of several items that I will present to you as exhibits to
buttress my case.
Exhibit A -- The link road between NH7 and the airport: This morning as
I started cruising on NH7 past our world-class Hebbal flyover towards
BIAL, my mind was alert to any curve that the highway might throw at me
– a school bus making a U-turn from the extreme left lane at a traffic
signal, animals and humans jaywalking across the high-speed highway,
BMTC buses stopping in the middle lane to pick up/drop off passengers,
the works. And then I see the highway opening up and bingo, there is
this large green sign indicating the exit for the airport. My instincts
tell me to ignore it but I gingerly take the exit and I am on this
multi-lane interchange and it is clear as far as eyes can see. My
senses are dulled, mind no longer alert, I am on autopilot. Soon there
are signs everywhere – exit for this, exit for that; and directions to
find the parking lots. I find this disconcerting – hmmm, why exactly
does Mr. Brunner want to think for me.
Exhibit B – The parking lot: The parking slots are clearly marked and
so is the (uni-directional) traffic flow around the lot. I park my car
and survey the lot. You say 2000 cars can be parked here. I am
thinking, you Swiss simpletons, you can only make space for 2000 cars?
Let me and my Bengaluru friends go to work. We can easily turn this
into a 4000-car lot. You see we have mastered a technique we call
“dynamic allocation of traffic lanes”. We can turn a 2-lane
bi-directional road into a multi-lane, multi-directional free for all
in seconds when the situation demands, which is usually always. We can
turn main thoroughfares into parking lots and vice versa. If we can do
this successfully, the parking lot capacity doubling is a piece of
cake. Why didn’t you study the Benguluru parking habits at our beloved
HAL airport? More importantly, why are you and BIAL denying us the
opportunity to exercise our little gray cells?
Exhibit C: The terminal: Admittedly, I only saw the arrivals section
but that was enough for me. There are signs for everything, where to
line up for taxis, where to get information, where to get food and
drinks. Mr. Brunner, what do you take us for – a bunch of idiots? At
the old HAL airport, we mastered the art of fishing out our assigned
pre-paid cab from a sea of white Maruti Omnis in seconds. We don’t need
to be spoon-fed about finding a mere cab. Again, Mr. Brunner why this
attempt to dumb down the population of namma Bengaluru? I say to you,
as did Reagan to Gorby famously years ago, “tear down these signs”.
On a side note, there are demands being made for you to provide toilet
facilities for visitors that cannot afford to pay to get into the
terminal. Some of us are also nostalgic about our beloved HAL airport.
So, I say just provide a long wall in one corner of the parking lot
where we Bengaluru males can do our spitting and whatever else we
Bengalurians do when we see walls (for some reason Bengaluru women do
not seem to have these urges). But in deference to our religious
sentiments, please do not paint any religious symbols on the wall for
some of us do care about such things.
Exhibit D: This is perhaps the most egregious of the lot. BIAL is
charged with being a bad influence on the poor innocent folks at BMTC
and BBMP. BMTC has got into this annoying habit of parking at the bus
bays that you have provided for them at the airport rather than their
preferred method of random parking thus taking the joy out of finding
one of their buses. Finally and perhaps most shockingly, BBMP seems to
have been swept up by this wave of “internationalism” as well. On my
drive back from the airport this afternoon, I actually saw road crews
meticulously embed “cats eyes” on the lane markers on NH-7. What next?
Enforcement of lane driving by the Bengaluru police? Is there no limit
to these transgressions?
Mr. Brunner, I am 58-year old man trying to forestall the onset of
dementia by keeping my brain actively engaged. BIAL clearly is
hazardous to my mental health and that of many of my fellow citizens.
If the trend that BIAL has set catches on, who knows Bengaluru might
end up becoming another antiseptically clean Singapore and there was a
good reason I chose not to live there when I had an opportunity years
ago.
Your Sincerely,
vvr
thanks
fantastic piece
VVR..that BIAL piece was a masterpiece,thanks for making me smile.
Tongue in cheek alright
Loved reading it. And amidst the barrage of criticism for BIAL, there are a few happy souls like me who have loved:
Those who care about the actual job BIAL has on hand will make sure BIAL gets to be good at what it is supposed to do. But 10 years from now, we would look back and realize that BIAL marked a turn-around in city's fortunes, its thinking about transportation, and its level of expectations. Whether BIAL itself will turn out to be a nice and large airport hub, jury is still out, and is a separate story.
Thanks!
higher expectations
"But now we have folks asking boldly about wash room inside container terminals. Private entities have already done the first good thing - raise everyone's expectations to 'world class' levels. Earlier, people felt helpless against public monopolies, and that helplessness led to us settling for real low expectations".
There definitely are shortcomings in the BIAL's design, and many things are still to fall in place as far as operations are concerned. But, atleast, it has made people demand higher standards. Hopefully, that demand will extend to other services, too, and where the government agencies involved can't deliver, the demand for privatisation.
Muralidhar Rao
Expectations will indeed ratchet up
Here is one example -- visualize waving down a taxi/auto with a lighted sign on one of our streets, said taxi/auto stops immediately, you get in and tell the driver where you want to go, he/she merely says "yup" and drives you to your destination -- no questions aked. You arrive at your destination and pay the meter fare and go about your business. What a novel idea!
As opposed to our current system. You stop auto after auto (as I did on MG Road recently, soaked to the skin), ask the drivers where THEY would like to go and then furiously figure out in your head how you can reach your destination. You are thinking, I need to go to Ulsoor but the Autowalla wants to go to Lingarajapuram, how about getting off at Cox Town because you can usually find a few autowallas there who might consider going to Ulsoor. OK, now lets discuss payment terms etc. etc.
Clearly, life will become simpler and we as a community will become less hardy and less tenacious but surely there will be benefits.
Don't want BIAL becomes like BMTC Bus stand
I do not gonna want BIAL to become like a BMTC Bus stand.
Nicely Said...!!
I am similing....Very nice sir..!!.. Hats off to your sense of humor..!!
Cheers.. Raj.